Four years ago my whole life changed….

In 2018 I was living the life I had dreamed of for more than a decade. I was in a long term partnership with someone I loved, I had a full time job in service to a community I loved, and I was in an art collective that was receiving national recognition with people who I loved.

Yet I was deeply unhappy, unhealthy and depressed. I never would have said that but the truth was I was not listening to my body and my body was beginning to revolt. I tried for a year to get pregnant and had many miscarriages. At one point I was sitting in the OBGYN’s office rapidly working on emails while I waited for the doctor and I looked around at the other women and thought “I am the only one here working. I am not acting like someone who actually is making time to bring a new life into this world.”

Months later when I miscarried I was too embarrassed, sad and vulnerable to excuse myself from a community board meeting (I was an elected official). So I sat through the meeting as I miscarried and then drove home afterwards without telling anyone what was happening. I cramped for hours and could barely walk. Still I went to work the next day.

Then in 2019 I hit such a low that I completely felt disconnected from my meaning in life. Nothing seemed important anymore. I cried almost everyday. Then I heard a voice. It said “The forrest doesn’t want you to be sad.” I had never heard a voice like that before but immediately I knew that if I wanted to live I needed to got to the Amazon Rainforest to see a traditional medicine woman.

I had been researching first people’s in the Amazon for a number of years and was also desiring to reconnect to my own Uto-Aztecan indigenous roots in Mexico. I suspected that a lot of my depression had to do with living a life that was not what my heart or spirit longed for. I imagined that if I returned to earth-based ancestral wisdoms I would find a map for how to reorganize my consciousness and understanding of existence. One month later, I booked a ticket to Coca, Ecuador.

My week in the rainforest completely changed my life. Post Ecuador I went through four years of studying with indigenous communities throughout Latin America and deepened my spiritual practice in Tibetan and Zen Buddhism. I left my job, closed my art collective, went through a traditional renaming process to complete my rebirth and launched a new art collective.

None of us would be alive without the love and support of the earth and our ancestors. Yet I also understand that for me, my life lacks meaning when it is not directly in service to the earth and All That Is. For me, my life lacks the meaning that I need without spiritual community, questing for liberation and dialogue with the divine. These are some of my North Stars.

Now I share what I have learned (and my continued learning) through numerous offerings including my writing practice, my art practice, channeling, teaching, lecturing, and indigenous and arts based research. I am excited to share with others and hope that it may support other beings in finding their own paths to liberation, happiness and a meaningful life in service of life.

With love, respect, humility and deep gratitude,